DJ Dirty Boy Liberated by Donna McDonna

Judge with no relationship to the case.

We are pleased to announce that DJ Dirty Boy was acquitted of all charges related to the unfortunate incident with the decks and the red-hot Pukka Pies.

Donna McDonna, prime attorney to the reclusive Ding family, stepped in to convince the court in the embattled performers defence, overcoming significant barriers in terms of the legal position and the evidence given by a number of eye-witnesses who were either confused or the tool of the oppressive state.

Dirty Boy did himself no favours turning up in a Home and Away shell suit, 1990s platform sneakers and with both hands bandaged with cotton wool and gaffer tape.

The magistrates were heard to say afterwards "but what happened? This boy was clearly as guilty as hell."

The Nasty salute this outcome. Dirty Boy, please collect the cardboard box with your belongings from the studio. The Cornish Pasty is getting whiffy.

Nasty, out.